Peace, It's a tricky little thing sometimes...

Isn't peace supposed to be this "zen-like" feeling that encompasses you when you make the right choice? To those of us who live in the world were worry and stress play a lead role in our day to day (most days), peace can sometimes be, well, tricky. For example, when my almost three year old started a new preschool, I knew in my gut it was the right place for him at the time. Some would say I had a peace about my decision. But what about those times when you don't recognize peace; when you can't see it or feel it. What about those moments when you are given peace and because it's been such a long time since you have felt it, you don't even realize it's there?
This week (heck, the past 3 years) have been a roller coaster, to say the least. Peace has not played a lead role. It's been a time of learning, growing, crying and healing, but I would not have mentioned peace before this week. I have recently gone through a life altering, life changing event and, honestly, had no clue what to expect. Whatever it was that I "thought" I expected, certainly didn't come out that way. All of my ideas, all of my assumptions were blown out the window. I knew what I thought I needed to feel. I knew what I expected myself to feel. But none of that was coming. Nothing I anticipated happened. So what WAS/AM I feeling?
A good friend has been walking this path alongside me for the past several years. At one point, in passing, she mentioned that perhaps this unknown "feeling" I was dealing with wasn't unknown at all. Maybe it was as simple as finally feeling some peace about this roller coaster I call life. Maybe I wasn't recognizing...peace.
I sat with this for a few days. OK, I wrestled with this for a few days. Peace? About this? Peace about the outcome of this roller coaster path? Huh? Maybe she is right. Perhaps I am at peace with everything. It's funny how something that we are given and reminded of daily, is so hard to see, and dare I say, accept, sometimes. Doesn't John 14 tell us not to let our hearts be troubled because He has left peace for us? How, then, is it so hard to recognize sometimes?
I don't know the answer that question, but I do know that peace is given to me, I just have to realize it.