So many of us have been hit by some sort of tragedy. Each of us has a different story. A loss of a child, a loss of a marriage, a loss of trust. Usually tragedy walks hand in hand with the loss of something. I can't help but think that when tragedy hits, it feels like it hits at our weakest moment, or at the most important part of us. To us, there doesn't seem to be rhyme or reason when it does hit. It comes out of nowhere and pummels us. And yet, we get back up. Sometimes to be knocked down again, sometimes to look back and say I came through that, sometimes to show someone else that there is another side to this tragedy. Nonetheless, we get back up.
It's amazing-astounding-encouraging to me to watch those I know and love get back up after tragedy. It may take them time, it may take them lots of time, but they do. I can't pinpoint how or why or where they will get back up, but they do. It's in that moment that I am reminded just how awesome these people are, we all are.
To all of those whom I love and cherish and have gone through, are currently walking in, or are at the beginning of a long road we all know as tragedy...I know you will get through this, I know you will come through stronger and better, I know you will stand again!
Friday, July 6, 2012
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
One of those 'kid' days...
Today just seems to be one of those days where I cannot stop thinking/praying/looking at pictures of my kid. Have you every had one of those days? I don't know, exactly, what it is.
I have an almost three year old. We have had a tough and rough few years, but this little one is amazing. I get it...he IS three and I have heard everyone tell me how resilient and strong kids are. But, at the same time, when your family goes through trials and you look at your kid(s) and see just how strong they really are...it will floor you.
That's what happened with me, just last night. My son started a new school yesterday. Because I am a single mommy, we don't have the option for him to stay at home with me (even though that would be great, I still think having him in school is a better choice - for him!). He is at school at 715 daily and I pick him between 4-430. That's a long day. It's a long day for me not to see him interact and play and sleep and eat and learn. It's a long day for him to be away from home, his bed, his personal toys and also surrounded by all those other kids. But here we are. In the midst of starting this new school, we moved also. On top of that, my son's time with his father has changed a few times. Talk about inconsistencies and roller coasters. I worry. If you ask my mother, I worry more than the entire USofA combined, but nonetheless, I worry. I worried that all the change and disruption in my little guys life was/is going to affect him well into his 40's (I know crazy, but hey). I over analyzed and over thought most things with. I always want to give him my very best and had to learn that my very best is totally different than other families.
Back to last night. I made some dinner, ok, WE made dinner. Now that he is almost 3 he loves to help cook. He wants to touch and participate in everything. So last night we grilled turkey burgers, cut a tomato, washed grapes, unwrapped some veggies...all together. As you can imagine the 20 minutes process really took an hour....but, it was worth it. As we sat down to eat, he looked over (while sitting in the big boy chair) and exclaimed, "MOM!" I immediately looked at him and of course, said what's up dude?? Without missing a beat my little 3(ish) year old said, "O, I love you." Yes mommies, he really did. He wasn't coaxed into saying it. He was asked to say it. He said it all on his own.
Later that evening as I was watching a very educational documentary (aka The Bachellorrette), I saw him playing with his Lego's on the floor. He was making a house and the "mommy" was telling everyone what to do (no judging, a mom's gotta do what a mom's gotta do). When I asked him what he was playing, he said he was playing "home." I got down and played with him for a bit and experienced the BEST moment to date for this mom. I made some sort of a crazy comment about the show and he turned to me, put his hand on my cheek and said, "It's okay mommy, I here." In that moment I realized how right he was. I just love him!!
I have an almost three year old. We have had a tough and rough few years, but this little one is amazing. I get it...he IS three and I have heard everyone tell me how resilient and strong kids are. But, at the same time, when your family goes through trials and you look at your kid(s) and see just how strong they really are...it will floor you.
That's what happened with me, just last night. My son started a new school yesterday. Because I am a single mommy, we don't have the option for him to stay at home with me (even though that would be great, I still think having him in school is a better choice - for him!). He is at school at 715 daily and I pick him between 4-430. That's a long day. It's a long day for me not to see him interact and play and sleep and eat and learn. It's a long day for him to be away from home, his bed, his personal toys and also surrounded by all those other kids. But here we are. In the midst of starting this new school, we moved also. On top of that, my son's time with his father has changed a few times. Talk about inconsistencies and roller coasters. I worry. If you ask my mother, I worry more than the entire USofA combined, but nonetheless, I worry. I worried that all the change and disruption in my little guys life was/is going to affect him well into his 40's (I know crazy, but hey). I over analyzed and over thought most things with. I always want to give him my very best and had to learn that my very best is totally different than other families.
Back to last night. I made some dinner, ok, WE made dinner. Now that he is almost 3 he loves to help cook. He wants to touch and participate in everything. So last night we grilled turkey burgers, cut a tomato, washed grapes, unwrapped some veggies...all together. As you can imagine the 20 minutes process really took an hour....but, it was worth it. As we sat down to eat, he looked over (while sitting in the big boy chair) and exclaimed, "MOM!" I immediately looked at him and of course, said what's up dude?? Without missing a beat my little 3(ish) year old said, "O, I love you." Yes mommies, he really did. He wasn't coaxed into saying it. He was asked to say it. He said it all on his own.
Later that evening as I was watching a very educational documentary (aka The Bachellorrette), I saw him playing with his Lego's on the floor. He was making a house and the "mommy" was telling everyone what to do (no judging, a mom's gotta do what a mom's gotta do). When I asked him what he was playing, he said he was playing "home." I got down and played with him for a bit and experienced the BEST moment to date for this mom. I made some sort of a crazy comment about the show and he turned to me, put his hand on my cheek and said, "It's okay mommy, I here." In that moment I realized how right he was. I just love him!!
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Unstable, Roller Coaster Life...
There aren't too many things in my world that are stable right now. It's been a pretty hell-ish year (okay, 3 years). A baby in the hospital, a broken marriage, a lost home, loss of family, divorce...these are the things good country music is comprised of, not my life! But, here we are. And now I have to deal with it. At times I think it's harder to deal with the aftermath than the actual event.
So I wanted to take a minute and reflect on what I have learned, that anyone could learn from an unstable, roller coaster of a life.
1. Prayer isn't something that should happen while you are trying to fall asleep, in the shower, trying to get your 3 year old to sleep, or walking into church. It's something that should be done regularly. BUT, I also think it's something that shouldn't be 100% about you. Trust me, I have a LOT to pray about. Did you read the above list? Yaaaa....
If I spent all my time focused on myself and all my issues, trust me, they would grow. So, it's best to focus on some others for a bit also.
2. Surrounding yourself with people that love and support you is key. I need people to remind how lucky I am; to talk me down off ledges; to tell me when I am being a baby or a complete crazy woman. I need people to help me. Yep, help me. I need help from people. I am single mom who works full time. Help might actually be an understatement.
3. Stop. Take a flippin' breath. If you don't ever stop and you run, run, run how will you ever gain the energy to keep going? I am not good at this. I run physically all the time. Not in races or anything like that, but I am non stop. If it's not at work, it's running to pick up my son from school, or getting errands done, or making sure the laundry is done. I run mentally all the time also. I am constantly thinking about what's on my plate, rethinking, over thinking....thinking a lot. Have you ever heard of people keeping notepads by their bed so when they think of something, they can write it down? I do that. But it's because I can't stop thinking...it never ends! So, stop. Take a breath, stop, breathe and regroup. It will do wonders, promise.
4. Enjoy your kids. If you don't have kids, OK, enjoy some quiet time (because once you have kids you will understand how important quiet time really is). Make sure that when you are with your kids, you are actively participating in their lives. I find myself multitasking all the time. I'm a mom. It's almost part of my job description. I can balance my checkbook via my smart phone, be on a call with a friend, drive, and clean up donut remnants from my son's tee shirt all at the same time. I do laundry, vacuum and make dinner all at once, all the while having a very intense conversation about Thomas the Choo Choo train with my 3 year old. But, I need to remember to stop and enjoy him. He will remember way more often all the times mommy read with him, walked with him, played in the pool with him than he will remember that he had clean clothes and that mommy's check book was balanced. Enjoying my son is amazing....when I actually take a minute to do it.
Just a few things to keep in mind when you wonder when things will begin to stabilize. If you're anything like me, they probably won't, but that's okay.
So I wanted to take a minute and reflect on what I have learned, that anyone could learn from an unstable, roller coaster of a life.
1. Prayer isn't something that should happen while you are trying to fall asleep, in the shower, trying to get your 3 year old to sleep, or walking into church. It's something that should be done regularly. BUT, I also think it's something that shouldn't be 100% about you. Trust me, I have a LOT to pray about. Did you read the above list? Yaaaa....
If I spent all my time focused on myself and all my issues, trust me, they would grow. So, it's best to focus on some others for a bit also.
2. Surrounding yourself with people that love and support you is key. I need people to remind how lucky I am; to talk me down off ledges; to tell me when I am being a baby or a complete crazy woman. I need people to help me. Yep, help me. I need help from people. I am single mom who works full time. Help might actually be an understatement.
3. Stop. Take a flippin' breath. If you don't ever stop and you run, run, run how will you ever gain the energy to keep going? I am not good at this. I run physically all the time. Not in races or anything like that, but I am non stop. If it's not at work, it's running to pick up my son from school, or getting errands done, or making sure the laundry is done. I run mentally all the time also. I am constantly thinking about what's on my plate, rethinking, over thinking....thinking a lot. Have you ever heard of people keeping notepads by their bed so when they think of something, they can write it down? I do that. But it's because I can't stop thinking...it never ends! So, stop. Take a breath, stop, breathe and regroup. It will do wonders, promise.
4. Enjoy your kids. If you don't have kids, OK, enjoy some quiet time (because once you have kids you will understand how important quiet time really is). Make sure that when you are with your kids, you are actively participating in their lives. I find myself multitasking all the time. I'm a mom. It's almost part of my job description. I can balance my checkbook via my smart phone, be on a call with a friend, drive, and clean up donut remnants from my son's tee shirt all at the same time. I do laundry, vacuum and make dinner all at once, all the while having a very intense conversation about Thomas the Choo Choo train with my 3 year old. But, I need to remember to stop and enjoy him. He will remember way more often all the times mommy read with him, walked with him, played in the pool with him than he will remember that he had clean clothes and that mommy's check book was balanced. Enjoying my son is amazing....when I actually take a minute to do it.
Just a few things to keep in mind when you wonder when things will begin to stabilize. If you're anything like me, they probably won't, but that's okay.
Friday, May 18, 2012
I love my job!
Ok, so there are a lot of people that go to work and simply tolerate it. They show up, do their work and go home. So do I. But, I really like what I do. I graduated with a degree in Business Administration, emphasis in marketing. I really like numbers and looooved my accounting classes, so I wanted to make my emphasis something that I could be challenged in. I was...and I loved it. But, after graduating I was presented with an opportunity to work more in the administrative field. If you know me, you know my obsession with organization. I love to be organized. My motto is: an organized home is a happy home! It's not just an obsession for me, it's a way of life! LOL!
The job started out as being admin, but then morphed into a LOT of other things. I have my hands in management, accounting, admin, organization, sales (outside and inside), and even some marketing!!
My college professors really stressed the importance of industry and making sure that wherever you end up, you end up in the industry you like/love. I took them seriously, but then realized how much I disagreed. I'm not sure it's about the industry at all. I work for a company that provides franchise opportunities to people in the commercial cleaning industry. NOT glamorous. NOT exciting. NOT what I thought of first when I thought of industry. BUT, as I started working I learned how much I liked the JOB and stopped caring about the industry. I love getting involved in all aspects of this office. I love what I do.
I was talking with my mom about this just yesterday. Her point was not that it's the cleaning industry, because it's not. It's a business that gives people an opportunity to be their own boss, to create their own schedule, to make money, to own their very own business, to live a dream. We provide opportunities to people that many other "jobs" cannot...and THAT'S exciting.
All that to say, I love what I do and am so grateful to earn paycheck doing the things I love.
The job started out as being admin, but then morphed into a LOT of other things. I have my hands in management, accounting, admin, organization, sales (outside and inside), and even some marketing!!
My college professors really stressed the importance of industry and making sure that wherever you end up, you end up in the industry you like/love. I took them seriously, but then realized how much I disagreed. I'm not sure it's about the industry at all. I work for a company that provides franchise opportunities to people in the commercial cleaning industry. NOT glamorous. NOT exciting. NOT what I thought of first when I thought of industry. BUT, as I started working I learned how much I liked the JOB and stopped caring about the industry. I love getting involved in all aspects of this office. I love what I do.
I was talking with my mom about this just yesterday. Her point was not that it's the cleaning industry, because it's not. It's a business that gives people an opportunity to be their own boss, to create their own schedule, to make money, to own their very own business, to live a dream. We provide opportunities to people that many other "jobs" cannot...and THAT'S exciting.
All that to say, I love what I do and am so grateful to earn paycheck doing the things I love.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Why do some people speak without filters?
I have an almost 3 year old. He runs, jumps, screams, cries, throws, hits, bites and gives the BEST hugs. He also attends preschool 5 (yes, FIVE) days a week. His mommy doesn't have the choice of staying at home. He is there all day. The school I chose for him is nestled in the middle of 3 communities and is a faith based school. They teach him his numbers and letters, songs and verses. They reinforce my own beliefs that God is our Creator and Heavenly Father. They demonstrate true and unconditional love to him, even though some may dub them only a "daycare." His teachers know him by name and are happy to see him each day. His friends scream in excitement when he enters the room.
Some families don't have to use a preschool. Some families have the ability to have mom (or dad) stay at home with their kids. This is awesome! This is amazing! Some families (mine included) don't have this option and are thankful for preschools and schools like the one my son attends.
So why is it then that some people who have the ability and luxury of staying at home with their kids look down and judge those of us who can't? Ignorance? Selfishness? Lack of understanding? All of the above?
I recently read a comment made by a stay at home mom. She said she didn't want to put her child in daycare because she was afraid he might "pick something up like AIDS." WHAT? This not only made me so mad I turned red, it made me sad. People really think like this? I felt like I needed to say something. OK, that's a small lie, I felt like I needed to say A LOT...to HER. I found myself trying to defend my choice of putting my son into childcare and that made me even more upset. Then I realized it, some people speak without thinking, without filters. Some people have opinions that are not fully formed.
It may not matter to anyone but me, but I HEART CHILDCARE! There, said it! Loud and proud! I do. I love the school I chose for my son. The teachers there are amazing and I wouldn't trade them and their love for my child for anything!
So, to the mom who made such a bold and uneducated comment, enjoy your time with your kids at home, they are special and unforgettable times. But please remember, while I am working hard to build a solid and comfortable life for my child, he is safe, happy, loved and most importantly disease FREE!
Some families don't have to use a preschool. Some families have the ability to have mom (or dad) stay at home with their kids. This is awesome! This is amazing! Some families (mine included) don't have this option and are thankful for preschools and schools like the one my son attends.
So why is it then that some people who have the ability and luxury of staying at home with their kids look down and judge those of us who can't? Ignorance? Selfishness? Lack of understanding? All of the above?
I recently read a comment made by a stay at home mom. She said she didn't want to put her child in daycare because she was afraid he might "pick something up like AIDS." WHAT? This not only made me so mad I turned red, it made me sad. People really think like this? I felt like I needed to say something. OK, that's a small lie, I felt like I needed to say A LOT...to HER. I found myself trying to defend my choice of putting my son into childcare and that made me even more upset. Then I realized it, some people speak without thinking, without filters. Some people have opinions that are not fully formed.
It may not matter to anyone but me, but I HEART CHILDCARE! There, said it! Loud and proud! I do. I love the school I chose for my son. The teachers there are amazing and I wouldn't trade them and their love for my child for anything!
So, to the mom who made such a bold and uneducated comment, enjoy your time with your kids at home, they are special and unforgettable times. But please remember, while I am working hard to build a solid and comfortable life for my child, he is safe, happy, loved and most importantly disease FREE!
Friday, May 11, 2012
Ethan William Spencer ~ Great Adventurer
I thought I'd take a moment to talk about my little boy, it being Mother's Day and all.
Ethan is, well, he is pretty special.
His name means Strong Protector. His father and I decided before he was even born that we wanted his middle name to be William. When I researched what it meant, I was so pleased. When we finally landed on Ethan and put the two names together, it was perfect.
This little boy stole my heart the second he was born. When Ethan was born, he had a severe amount of mecconium in his lungs. It was a life threatening amount that placed him in the NICU for 5 weeks (5 weeks too long if you ask me). I didn't even get to touch him, let alone hold him, for the first week of his fragile life.
From the moment he came home, he was moving. He is always on the go and never slows. You read that right, NEVER SLOWS! This little man is non-stop.
He is a strong willed, ALL boy, handsome little one. As little boys go, he may be the cutest.
He loves pretending to have conversations with toys, splashing in the bathtub like it's a pool, blowing bubbles with his grandpa, eating strawberries, taking walks through the neighborhood and swinging on swings like batman!
He loves going to the zoo and looking at the animals. In fact, I think he believes if he yells loud enough the animals will notice him and "talk" back.
The first 3 years of his life has been a bit of a roller coaster, but he is so well adjusted, I am amazed every time I look at him. Ethan is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I wouldn't trade one moment with him.
Dear Ethan,
As I look at you every day, I am amazed and blessed to have you in my life. I am lucky to call you my son. You show me every day what true, unconditional love is.
Your name means strong protector.
My prayer for you is that you will be strong. Strong in stature, strong in faith, strong in your beliefs.
My prayer for you is that you will be a protector. A protector of your values, of others, of your faith.
You are going to do amazing things in this world and I am so blessed to be the one that gets a front row seat. God has plans for you that even I cannot imagine. You are so loved and I am so proud of you.
I will always be your biggest cheerleader, even if you get embarrassed from time to time.
I will always be your biggest supporter, even if there is no one else in our corner.
I will walk with you when you need a friend.
I will carry when you need to be carried.
I love you.
~Mom
Ethan is, well, he is pretty special.
His name means Strong Protector. His father and I decided before he was even born that we wanted his middle name to be William. When I researched what it meant, I was so pleased. When we finally landed on Ethan and put the two names together, it was perfect.
This little boy stole my heart the second he was born. When Ethan was born, he had a severe amount of mecconium in his lungs. It was a life threatening amount that placed him in the NICU for 5 weeks (5 weeks too long if you ask me). I didn't even get to touch him, let alone hold him, for the first week of his fragile life.
From the moment he came home, he was moving. He is always on the go and never slows. You read that right, NEVER SLOWS! This little man is non-stop.
He is a strong willed, ALL boy, handsome little one. As little boys go, he may be the cutest.
He loves pretending to have conversations with toys, splashing in the bathtub like it's a pool, blowing bubbles with his grandpa, eating strawberries, taking walks through the neighborhood and swinging on swings like batman!
He loves going to the zoo and looking at the animals. In fact, I think he believes if he yells loud enough the animals will notice him and "talk" back.
The first 3 years of his life has been a bit of a roller coaster, but he is so well adjusted, I am amazed every time I look at him. Ethan is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I wouldn't trade one moment with him.
Dear Ethan,
As I look at you every day, I am amazed and blessed to have you in my life. I am lucky to call you my son. You show me every day what true, unconditional love is.
Your name means strong protector.
My prayer for you is that you will be strong. Strong in stature, strong in faith, strong in your beliefs.
My prayer for you is that you will be a protector. A protector of your values, of others, of your faith.
You are going to do amazing things in this world and I am so blessed to be the one that gets a front row seat. God has plans for you that even I cannot imagine. You are so loved and I am so proud of you.
I will always be your biggest cheerleader, even if you get embarrassed from time to time.
I will always be your biggest supporter, even if there is no one else in our corner.
I will walk with you when you need a friend.
I will carry when you need to be carried.
I love you.
~Mom
My mom...
So in honor of Mother's day I decided to write about my mom. Cheri Derryberry (yes people, that is her real name and no her parents didn't give it to her, she married into it...willingly!), is my mom.
She has raised me, loved me, listened to me, cried with me, cried for me, been annoyed with me, and supported me over and over again.
She has been a force to be reckoned with and has been my biggest cheerleader.
She has walked with me, held me, and carried me again and again. The past three years have been the hardest years I have yet to face and she has walked, held and carried me the entire time.
She is strong; mentally, emotionally, spiritual...and sometimes physically.
She is wise.
She laughs at my jokes.
She is the best grandma to my beautiful little boy.
She is a lover of Starbucks (my second love after my son) and Mexican food.
She is redhead!
She has a work ethic like I have never encountered.
She is adventurous.
She loves her DVR and Netflix!
She is new to karaoke (but kicks butt at it!).
She likes early morning walks and sitting on her patio in the late afternoon.
She is a fan of red wine.
She is my supporter.
She is my biggest fan.
She is my mom.
I love you mom.
She has raised me, loved me, listened to me, cried with me, cried for me, been annoyed with me, and supported me over and over again.
She has been a force to be reckoned with and has been my biggest cheerleader.
She has walked with me, held me, and carried me again and again. The past three years have been the hardest years I have yet to face and she has walked, held and carried me the entire time.
She is strong; mentally, emotionally, spiritual...and sometimes physically.
She is wise.
She laughs at my jokes.
She is the best grandma to my beautiful little boy.
She is a lover of Starbucks (my second love after my son) and Mexican food.
She is redhead!
She has a work ethic like I have never encountered.
She is adventurous.
She loves her DVR and Netflix!
She is new to karaoke (but kicks butt at it!).
She likes early morning walks and sitting on her patio in the late afternoon.
She is a fan of red wine.
She is my supporter.
She is my biggest fan.
She is my mom.
I love you mom.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)